In the past few weeks, I was asked to help two kids. I love working with kids because they are not set in their ways and so change can happen very easily. However, I always feel that there is a great responsibility working with children, because their greater vulnerability.
The first kid was brought to me by a mom who was concerned because her daughter was displaying severe distress after an altercation with another kid at school. Her daughter, we will call her D. had been bullied in the past and had finally found a small element of peace in the new year. However it seemed that D. was struggling lately and was falling back to her old ways. Mom asked me to see her in hope that I would be able to help.
I met with D. and explained about EFT and needless to say, for a teenager, tapping was not taken seriously. She was there under duress and she made it very clear. I asked her to humour me and to try it. We did one round around the fact that she did not believe such a stupid method (her words! :-)) could work. Her belief was strong, a good 10. After a couple of rounds, with her huffing and puffing, she was almost startled when I asked her to go back to the original statement and her feeling about the method, she was surprised to realise that she had nothing to loose and she could imagine give it a go. I took it as a good sign!
I asked her to tell me what had been happening at school and just to tap while telling me. I did not want her to be more upset about her situation, so I was hoping that if she told me about the school while tapping it would release some tension. She started with the basics about her time at school and the classes she liked or disliked and then stated that school was ok.
I asked her if there was an aspect of the school life she did not like. She slightly smirked and said: “yes, like everywhere else I guess.”
I asked her if she could grade that aspect (0 she was ok with that aspect and it did not bother her, and 10 that aspect was really bothering her). She thought about it, shrugged and said:
“A 4 I suppose.”
I could see she was getting really tense despite her words. I asked her to give a name to that aspect. She said Red. So I did a couple of rounds around Red and 4 in intensity. I could see D. struggling through out the process so I asked her what was upsetting her, she said she would rather not say. I asked her if she would be able to concentrate on this emotion while tapping. She nodded. We did a couple of silent rounds while tapping. She silently cried through out and then she took some deep breaths and looked at me.
I asked her if she was ok. She nodded again. I asked her if the emotion that was bothering her was still there, she shrugged again.
“It is kind of blue now. It’s almost calm.”
We went for a couple more rounds on the color blue and almost calm. She had a small smile on her face then. I asked her to cast her mind to that upsetting aspect of school and she frowned and seemed to think about it. She shrugged again and said:
“There will always be stupid people. No matter where we are.”
I did not want to probe. I said:
“It appears that something happened that triggered you to be upset. Can you talk about it?”
She was almost offended and I thought she would close off on me. But she looked at me, and then seriously, she said:
“I would rather not. It was too difficult.”
I agreed. I asked her if she could give me a number on the intensity, she said immediately 10. I asked her if there was a color she would associate with the situation? She responded: Dark. I asked her if it would be ok to tap on those two elements. She nodded. We did a couple of rounds before she was distracted. I asked her what it was, she sighted and said:
“It was silly really, nothing I can do about it. But it is not really important.”
I asked her to go back to the event, and to tell me about the intensity, she said 5 and the color she shrugged and said:
“It is still dark you know, but it is not as big.”
We did a couple more rounds on those two elements. Again, D. struggled to finish the second rounds. She smiled and said:
“It is not really important really, they are stupid I will be fine.”
After that round the intensity was down to a 2 and the color was no more.
I asked her to look at the situation and to tell me if she had any other aspects that bothered her at that point. She thought about it and stated that it had been really bad a few years ago, and it made her more mature than most people. And it is difficult at time, because she was really struggling to relate with other people feelings and interest. I probed and asked how difficult it was, she shrugged and said about a 7. We did a couple of rounds on this, when she suddenly burst into tears.
I moved closer to her and hold her, I did not want her to feel alone at that time. And I did not want to upset her further by tapping on her, so I softly pressed the tip of my fingers on the points of her face. Slowly, she calmed down and took some deep breaths, I guided her through the 9 gamut procedure. Then I resumed the soft pressure on her face. She sagged against my shoulder. I asked her if she could tell me what came up. She was confused. She said:
“I felt an enormous amount of fear, but I am not sure for what and at the same time, I felt that there was nothing that warranted that fear. I felt completely lost for a while there, it was really scary.”
I could see her struggle with some deep emotion, so I continue applying pressure on her face softly, she finally gave me a soft smile and said:
“It is very soothing.”
I smiled back at her. She continued lost in her thoughts for a while, until she took a deep breath again and I could feel all the tension leave her body. She said:
“I am so tired.”
She could not stop yearning, she was almost embarrassed.
The hour was almost up and I asked her, if she would be ok. She thought about it and said:
“Yes, it is strange, I am sure I am not going to love the experience moving forward who does? but I am not dreading it either.”
This was such a huge difference. I could hear a slimmer of hope in her voice.
I reminded her that she could use the tapping on her own when she felt overwhelmed and that she would be tired that evening, but that she should be fine the next day. I invited her to come back to me if she needed to. But I encouraged her to talk to her mom about anything happening at school, reminding her that her mom was the best person to help her, because she loved her. She nodded quietly.
Her mother reported a couple of weeks later, that she was back to her normal self. She was more pensive, but she was not struggling, as if she was above it all now, as opposed to be so involved that she was hurt. She was very grateful for this change. And so was I.
When I reflect on the session, to this day, I still don’t know what had happened to that girl. But I am as always, amazed that even without knowing the girl’s story, I could help her so deeply.
Thank D. for your story.