Three Steps to Take Back your Personal Power

Have you experienced periods in your life where you felt like a victim, like the world was against you.
Have you ever felt that no matter what you did, it would not work…
That is was unfair…
You may have felt overwhelmed and disempowered.

This feeling, this state of mind has a name, VICTIMHOOD.

The MacMillan dictionary gives the following definition:
“The situation of someone who is a victim, or who thinks that they have been unfairly treated”

In this article, I am referring to the state of mind people maintain when they don’t feel they have any choice.

When I was first introduced to that idea, I found it really upsetting. I was in the middle of a burnout, and somebody suggested that consciously or unconsciously, I was choosing to stay in that deep state of despair. Did people suggest that I was choosing to be depressed? That I was responsible for the endless amount of hardship that I had gone through…

And the answer in short is NO.

I was not responsible for the external circumstances that led to my burnout.


I was responsible for my reactions to the circumstances.

Let me explain.

We all have choices and we all have control over how we react to any given situation.

Why would people stay in that VICTIMHOOD state?

Well, the main reason we keep doing what we are doing even if it is not not positive for us is because it meets our needs. (click here to learn more about human needs)

In the case of victimhood mentality, people tend to get hooked on significance and connection that you get when expressing your hardship.

The easiest and fastest way to gain significance and connection is to tell your story of victimhood. Immediately, people will feel sorry and will connect with you giving you the recognition (read significance) and connection that you are craving.

Unfortunately, this perpetuates the cycle of disempowerment. A person can not be in a state of victimhood and feel powerful and strong.

What can you do?

We need to take full responsibility for our life and to step outside of our victim state of mind.

In essence, it would make sense to say that if you keep on feeling like we can’t achieve anything, because “They” are mean to us, we are never going to find the internal resources to  step outside your comfort zone and to reclaim your own personal power.

Your power lies within. If you let yourself believe that an external entity has power over you, you will never challenge the status quo.

During my burnout, it came a time when I finally realized that I could not continue like that, because clearly it was going from bad to worse. I realized that I had forgotten to “think for myself”. For the longest time, I relied on those thoughts that when “they” would fix the situation then I would get better. When I change this train of thoughts, when I decided that since nothing else worked, I should try anything else, I reclaimed my own power.

I took back the control over my life.

Little by little, I started to feel better.

From the moment I decided that I needed to take ownership of my life. I put myself back on the driver’s seat. And I came to realize that I was responsible for the way I felt. Nobody could dictate that. It was my choice, and it had always been my choice. I had just gave it away.

Nowadays,  when I feel like a victim, I recognize the pattern and I take the necessary steps to change the situation.

3 steps to take back your personal power.

  1. Identify that you are in a victimhood state.
  2. Break the pattern. Change your state through your physiology, (go for a walk or a boot of HIIT training), through your focus (Distract yourself), or through what you are focusing on. (focus on what you are grateful for, for example, or on what makes you happy).
  3. Meet your needs in a positive way. Say through that disempowered state you get significance and connection, how can you get significance in a more positive manner? (what are you good at that you can talk about? What is special about you that you could talk about?…). How can you get connection in a positive way? Call somebody and talk about their life. Join a team and connect with them regularly.

The goal is to break our usual patterns of behavior and to establish new ones.

We all have those patterns. Don’t be hard on yourself for having them.

This change in habits will not happen overnight. But like with anything, practice make perfect.

Create new habits, new ways of meeting your needs in a positive manner and train yourself to meet those needs this way regularly so that when in the midst of a crisis, it will be easier for you to fight the pull of the old and to turn towards your new more empowering habits.

With time, you will sail through crisis feeling strong and confident.

Keep persevering.

You will get there.

Need help? Contact me and let’s talk. :-)  Click here


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