Helping You Help Yourself

A few weeks ago, I had a fantastic session with a client… She was leaving me!

She was done, she was moving on…

I am so proud of her and yet, I was a little sad to see her go… We had been working together for over 4 years now…

It is a long time, but she needed that time to make the changes necessary for her to live the life she really wanted in life….


It all started after her divorce. She was understandably dismayed, angry and hurt. She came to me, because she was concerned she would burn out with all the problems that had come her way.


But it was clear to me, that while she really wanted to make changes to live a better life and show the world what she could do, it was not her time.


She was not ready…


How could she consider making more changes, when she was struggling to keep afloat to start with.


So for the first couple of years, we worked on getting her from one day to the next. We work on getting her through one hurtful event and another…

To be fair, she did so well, but like most of us, she was impatient, she wanted to be running, when she could barely stand on her own two feet. She grew desperate at time to know that this terrible patch would end.


Going through this, while I did argue that she should start moving away from the victim state, she was staying in, while we talked about her goals and her dreams, I knew that in her heart, she was still smarting from the end of her relationship. I reminded her that she would get better, that she would find a way, she had to be patient and strong and courageous and she had to take care of herself.


Sweetly, she would say: You are right Joelle, of course…


And I knew she would not do anything about it, despite the promises and the good intention. We both knew it was the right things to do, but it was not the right time for her to do them.


So with time, we focused on her learning the tools she would rely on when life got too difficult. We focused on reminding her in a concrete way that she was strong and beautiful and smart and that she was doing the best she could. We focused on giving her goals (that she did not achieve)… Until one day, she found her way.


It was time.


I don’t think there is an explanation to what happened or why it happened.


It was just time.


Within a couple of months, she found a job she loved, it paid well and it allowed her to support her children without worrying about it. She found confidence in her abilities and in her capacities to take care of most of the problems in her life. She found the self-confidence to say NO when necessary and not feel overwhelmed with guilt for not being so helpful. She realized that people liked her for herself not because she was doing or not doing something.


She had found herself again.


I wish I could say that I have been instrumental in her journey of self-discovery. But the truth is, I was not.

A coach is a person who is going to help, support and encourage the person to change, but the changes and the steps needed to make those changes have to be taken by the person.

In the case of that person, I was the nagging voice, who constantly and consistently reminded her that she was doing great when she really felt that she was not and that she could do better when she thought that her situation was good enough and she was ready to settle.

I was the crazy person who sheer her on when she was tempted to give up and I was the voice of the drill sergeant who pushed her out of bed when the only thing she wanted to do was to sleep all day. She did not like me all the time, because I could be brutally honest, when I thought she needed it.

A coach is a sheer leader, the person who is going to push you back on track, who is going to hold you accountable for your own goals…

But all that tailored to the need of each individual.

So when we last talk, we decided that it was time for her to see if she can make it on her own. And I totally support her decision.

Like a proud mama, I look upon her and I smile at all her achievements.


If you need help helping yourself, contact me and let’s talk…


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