Anger – Change Your Story

Licensed Certified Coach

In the last few weeks, I have discussed the fact that I am recovering anger addict.

In order for a change to take place, we need to understand

Why is it that we do what we do?


And the quick answer is that your actions fed your higher needs.

As you know if you have followed my blog for a while, there are 6 human needs:

6 human needs
6 human needs

Each need can be met positively or negatively. Usually 2 needs dominate a person life and each and every action will be driven by the necessity to meet those needs. (For more info: go here)

So when I was “addicted” to anger, I met 3 of my needs at a high intensity and in a consistant basis. When angry, I was connected with myself, I felt something that I could relate to. I was significant, because when you are angry, you are RIGHT and the rest of the world is WRONG. And you are CERTAIN that you are RIGHT. Of course, there are more positive ways to meet those needs and once I became aware, I was able to consciously meet those needs in a positive way and to severe the links to anger.

However,  you also have heard me say that WE DO emotion. And that any emotional state has 3 aspects: Physiology, language/Beliefs and Focus.

When one is angry, they are physically tense and ready to fight. They will speak loudly and likely standing tall and tensely. They may have a scowl on their face and their hands may be closed in fist on their side.

They will use a very specific language that is likely be agressive and strong in order to convey their anger.

And mentally, they will be “seeing red”, they will be focused on the wrong they are suffering at that very moment and on how they are going to right it. They are likely focusing on the emotions inside them and how they need to protect themselves.

Change any of this pilar and you will change your state/emotion
Change any of these pillars and you will change your state/emotion

So when I needed to change my state and move away from anger, remember I was addicted to it, I learned to actively change my state. I learned to actively relaxed my body and loosen up my limbs in order to loosen the grip of anger on my body. I learned to widen my focus and to remind myself that things were ok now, that I was not under attack and that I did not need to defend myself and finally I have learned to change the words I use, both when I speak but also internally.

Often we are prisoner of our own words, of our own story. Everybody has story in their head that run rampant. I won’t surprise you in saying that we are worst enemy. We would never speak to anybody the way to speak to ourselves. You know that little voice in your head that pushes you to go a little further. That little voice

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