Do you blame somebody or something in your life, that made your life, your circumstances or anything else Impossible, Complicated, Difficult?
We all do. I know I did. But in doing so, we place ourselves strongly in the Victim camp. Then, we are not responsible for our life, because the power is outside of ourselves to those other people, or those external circumstances…
By learning to blame effectively, you regain your own power and you can let go of any resentment you may hold. Because those people or circumstances impacted you, but you went through it and you came out the other side, stronger and wiser. Without this, you would not have evolved as much.
Think about it.
Here is my story of
Today I would like to share with you a “aha” moment I had over the summer.
For those of you who know me, I have 3 great children, including one who is severely autistic. I could write for ever about the hardships that came with the diagnostic, the pain we, as parents, had to go through so that our child would have a chance. We did not ask for the world, really, just that he could evolve to the best of his ability.
4 years ago, we were at a cross road, our son’s behaviour was deemed extremely difficult and no specialist school wanted to take the “risk” associated with a troubled 12 years old with autism.
We were told that we had to accept, even if it was difficult for parents, that our son would never amount to anything. We were told that he was a lost cause and that we should just give up on him. The same people went on to say that he would always be a troubled soul, (Not in those words actually in even worse one…)….
It would have broken most people, and I don’t care to remember the number of nights we cried ourselves to sleep, because we had no option and no hope.
What hope can you have if the system is against you?
But when people started to strongly suggest that we “give him up”, we became angry. And from that anger came the energy of the truly desperate people.
No, we would not give up on our child. No, we would not accept that he would be troubled for the rest of his life.
I remember asking that person if they had a crystal ball that could predict the future, because it was a really definitive for an answer. He looked sadly at us and said that it was their experience. That they were honest and that while they understood our pain, they were saving us a world of pain….
Four years later, our son has proven them all wrong. He is appeased and looking forward. We found a school who accepted to take a chance on him. He learned and he flourished and yesterday, he started in a normal school. He is planing to go to university.
And as a parent, I have a big smile on my face. For the longest time, I wished I could find those same people who predicted the worst and show them that if you don’t give up, this is what happens… I wished I could slam that in their face and tell them off. Yes, I blamed them for the unnecessary hurt and pressure they put on us….
But this summer, while we were on holiday as a family, (the first in 4 years),
I realised that I had to blame them effectively.
If I was to blame them for not helping us and pushing us under water when we were already struggling to stay afloat, I should also blame them for making us find the internal resources and energy and will to find solutions so that our child had a chance. I had to blame them for making us so powerless that our despair led us to that moment. I had to blame them for our strength during those time.
With this, I realised that I actually want to find them and THANK them.
If those people had not shared their honest opinion about our son, maybe we would not have fought so hard and we would not have found the strength to support him every step of the way.
It is not to say that people especially people who are supposed to care for others, should even be allowed to say this kind of things to parents in their time of need. They should never put pressure on those same parents, when they are faced with an impossible reality and impossible choices. The system should support all people equally and allow them the develop in the best possible environment.
But I am grateful because they pushed us to move beyond the possible and to do the extraordinary. And we did.
It is amazing how one little realisation changes the energy of a whole dramatic event that lasted 4 years.
What can I say, I am so proud of my family for pulling through those dark times and for supporting each other until the sun finally came out for us.
So, who in your life do you need to blame effectively?
By doing so, you take ownership of your life. Suddenly you are not that helpless individual that life throws around but you are the person in charge and you can decide how you feel about any event in your life.
Who is in charge of your life?
Let me know